If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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