Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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