make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
