all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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