If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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