You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
