her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
