Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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