Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
