sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
