i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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