He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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