So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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