Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize