Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
