I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
