He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
