we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
