So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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