Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
