is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
