I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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