just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
