Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
