I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
