Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
