every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And the cops told us we were all naked.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
