All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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