Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
