Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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