someone get that fucking seahorse.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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