Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
