...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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