I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
