Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
