"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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