How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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