Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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