Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
