I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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