I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
