The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Boobs are out for the taking
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
