Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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