it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
