I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
