so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
