I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
