Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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