i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
