David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
