Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...

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(518): View more from New York

He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(585): View more from New York

bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

(1-585): View more from New York

oh god.. jail?

(585): View more from New York

better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

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(815): View more from Illinois

So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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(845): View more from New York

I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle

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(248): View more from Michigan

Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.

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(480): View more from Arizona

This may sound strange but do you have my pants?

(1-480): View more from Arizona

You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...

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