Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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