The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize