I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
