I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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