Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
