please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
