It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
