She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
