She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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