Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
