Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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