"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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