I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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