So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
