Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
