Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
