it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize