Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
